Body mass panic

This weekend I’m doing something I haven’t done since high school.

I’m going to a fancy dance!

Said guy gave me a beautiful dress for my birthday. But there was a problem with the order, and it won’t arrive until later this week.

Yesterday I remeasured my waist to make sure I’m still the same size I was when the dress was ordered in September.

Oh.

God.

I have one week to drop nearly a inch.

Down here at 5 foot 3, that’s a lot.

According to the most reputable eating disorder resources, I should eliminate all wheat and salt and sugar and dairy and happiness from my diet, punch up my exercise schedule, drink a gallon of water per day, take up smoking and suppress all urges to laugh, be creative, make friends or feel in any way beautiful on the inside.

(Also, cayenne pepper is the solution to all the world’s problems.)

Now, I’m not used to freaking out about little ups and downs. If my pajamas still fit, I’m fine. Especially this time of year, between hiking and skiing seasons.

But this is no! time! for! zen! (imagine little hand claps with each word). So. I’m using some of this space for honesty-keeping/an experiment in crash dieting.

If I fail to squeeze into the beautiful dress, I want to have a written record of my efforts.

Sunday food:

egg/veggie scramble
1 biscotti!!! :-(
Diet Pepsi!!! :-(
coffee
pomegranate, and I got it onto my jacket, and it didn’t stain!
rice & beans from Red Iguana!!! :-(
Fiber One oat bar (’cause I look hot carrying that box around)
orange
Wasa crackers, smoked salmon, wasabi mustard
veggies & hummus
Bag popcorn
0.8 gallon water

Sunday exercise:

2.5-mile walk, about 500-foot elevation gain
10 floors up office stairs
24 completely lame and pathetic “push-ups”
15 of these

The morning numbers: 126 lbs, 27 3/4 in.

Wish me luck!

If you could see the dress, you’d understand.

Related posts:

The evil eye of a camera amid cute friends
The world’s assiest sweet potatoes
Business casual
I suck at dressing up
Memories of gossamer

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Booo, health | Erin Alberty | November 16, 2009 10:16 am

13 Comments

By Becky, November 16, 2009 @ 10:39 am

Two words: Crystal Meth! That’ll do the trick fer sure.

Just kidding, I don’t condone drugs. Usually.

[Reply]
By soul-fusion, November 16, 2009 @ 11:10 am

now I want to see the dress…… oh, and not to add to the eating disorder you are developing but maybe do those belly tightening things while you are hiking. Supposedly that helps. If all else fails, invest in some Spanx, they are pricey but work wonders.

[Reply]
By Julie, November 16, 2009 @ 11:18 am

I will second soul-fusion’s recommendation of Spanx – when in doubt they do the trick. Cannot wait to see this lovely dress – and pics of you and The Boyfriend all dolled up!

[Reply]
By SKM, November 16, 2009 @ 11:27 am

Can’t wait to see pics.

And yes – do not underestimate the power of Spanx and proper undies. I thought my wedding dress wasn’t going to fit, but when I used the scary corset that made me want to weep by night’s end, I had room to spare in my dress.

[Reply]
By Garrett, November 16, 2009 @ 11:44 am

I think I might join you in that. I’ve got a month left until going home for Christmas, which usually adds 6-7 pounds. (It probably wouldn’t hurt to give up pop and be less of a sedentary blob for those two weeks, either; we’ll see.)

[Reply]
Garrett Reply:
November 16th, 2009 at 11:45 am
No fancy dance in the foreseeable future, but I’m perilously close to the upper range for 32s, and I’d rather not have to buy new pants.

[Reply]
By Summer, November 16, 2009 @ 11:48 am

If all else fails, get some water pills from your local drug store. They can seriously help you drop 3-5 lbs of “water weight”. Sometimes that is all you need.
Can’t wait to see the dress!

[Reply]
By catherine, November 16, 2009 @ 11:55 am

if all else fails, sweaty yoga the day before the dress-wearing:
http://bikramyogaslc.com
(even dan nailen liked it)

[Reply]
By Dena, November 16, 2009 @ 6:44 pm

Like everyone else, I expect to see pics of the dress. Preferably on fancy dance night when you’re both dressed up. That’d be swell.

[Reply]
By Miss Becky, November 17, 2009 @ 7:37 pm

fruits, vegetables, almonds, alfalfa tablets, green tea, water, a brisk 3-mile walk per day, Spanx. it’ll fit. no doubt, no doubt whatsoever. seriously, are you doing 15 vacuum poses a day?

[Reply]
By Mimi, November 18, 2009 @ 12:32 pm

Good god you are funny!

[Reply]
By rassles, November 18, 2009 @ 4:19 pm

That sucking in thing seems like crap to me.

Let me know if it works.

[Reply]