Spit virtuoso

Mozart has been stuck in my head since the night I learned to play Jingle Bells in spit bubbles under my tongue.

Is this is a special gift? Here’s how it works: I try to form and pop the bubbles in rhythm (largo is my default tempo), and I change the shape of my mouth to affect the pitch. Kind of like a jaw harp.

The bubbles pop very quietly, but the song is there. I can hear it. It’s also possible to make notes just by flapping the tongue down. But that’s the Big-Note version. Easy peasy.

Popping spit bubbles in time and in tune? Goddamn delicate art.

I was rehearsing in bed a couple of weeks ago when I looked over and saw Said Guy staring at me with one eyebrow raised.

“Jingle Bells,” I told him.

He shook his head and returned to his book.

He’s right, I realized.

Jingle Bells sucks.

I needed a piece I could really cut my teeth on. Something to be proud of.

Hmmm.

Oh, the dream was growing wings.

I started collecting saliva under my tongue. Those opening half-steps were going to require some serious woodshedding. I got to work.

Now, after a few weeks’ practice, I’ve decided to downshift to Haydn’s Surprise Symphony. That’s going well right up to the big subito forte. Once I figure out how to adjust volume in spit, it’ll be perfect.

But I still can’t get that Mozart out of my head.

Related posts

Utah makes my boogers whistle
One ray
“God Bless America” — You can’t dance to it
Inaugural PSYCH
It’s oh, so quiet; it’s oh, so still

Share this post

bedtime stories, music | Erin Alberty | October 26, 2009 9:00 am

7 Comments

By Garrett, October 26, 2009 @ 9:33 am

You are a scary nerd. But I couldn’t click on a YouTube video of this fast enough.

[Reply]
Erin Alberty Reply:
November 4th, 2009 at 8:07 pm

I don’t know if it’s loud enough to film, but I’ll try once I’m really good.

[Reply]
By rassles, October 26, 2009 @ 9:49 pm

I have never, ever, ever heard of anything like that, am I’m trying it right now. Failing miserably.

I am determined to do this, dammit. You blow my mind.

[Reply]
Erin Alberty Reply:
November 4th, 2009 at 8:06 pm

It needs to be very quiet so you can hear yourself.

[Reply]
By Bob, October 27, 2009 @ 2:09 pm

What very strange, delightful sense of whimsy.
Lithium might help . . .
Kidding.
LMAO.

[Reply]
Erin Alberty Reply:
November 4th, 2009 at 8:06 pm

Lithium really does not help pitch accuracy.

[Reply]