Doljanchi
Last month I met a man with an amazing life.
Yes, yes, everyone’s life is amazing.
But not really. Not compared to Po’s.
I have no idea how to spell Po’s name.
Po and I met at his granddaughter’s first birthday party. This event, called Dol, apparently is a big affair for Korean families. Little Grace will not remember the manicured gardens outside the Grand America Hotel, the elaborate catered spread in the ballroom, the open bar, the harpist playing down the hall, that she kept throwing off her ornate little birthday hat, the presents she received, the presents her parents gave to the guests, her mother’s traditional gown or the uranium-density rice cakes.
Compared to American baby blessings, Dol is awesome.
It’ll be awhile before little Grace appreciates that.
But for the proud grandpa, this had to be a huge deal.
Po waited at the table while Grace’s parents set up the table of food and the Doljanchi drawing. The Doljanchi is a tradition where small items are placed in front of the baby. Each item symbolizes a future path for the child. If she picks the reel of yarn, for example, she’ll live a long life. If she picks the cash, she’ll be wealthy. If she picks the pencil, she’ll be good at school.
I asked Po what he selected at his Doljanchi. He waved his hand and shook his head.
“Did your parents have a party?”
“No. Conditions were dangerous,” he said.
Po was born in North Korea, I think in the 1940s. His family fled to Seoul when he was 5. His father’s parents went with them. They never saw his mother’s parents again.
I asked if his parents liked Seoul.
He sighed and shrugged.
“They survived.”
Po grew up in Seoul and then moved to the Philippines. He manufactured outdoor equipment and, if I remember right, he owned a company that supplied tents to Coleman. He now lives in Vancouver. His son is an executive in Salt Lake City.
Grace is Po’s first grandchild.
To sit in that opulent ballroom and imagine Po’s family deciding to skip his big first birthday party … that just had to be so disappointing for them. I wondered if it was one of those things his parents had looked forward to as long as they looked forward to having a child. Of course it’s a no-brainer to forego a lavish party when everything around you is falling apart. And it’s nothing next to losing the grandparents forever. But in a real crisis, don’t all those no-brainers start to add up? Don’t you start to wonder if you can safely look forward to anything?
Maybe that’s what “They survived” meant.
It’d be too bad if Po’s parents ever felt like they’d scaled back their hopes for their child.
No Doljanchi could have predicted how far Po would go in his lifetime.
Po and Grace
Grace beelines for the money
Happy parents
culture | Erin Alberty | 
August 3, 2009 3:18 pm
15 Comments
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By Garrett, August 3, 2009 @ 3:53 pm
Were you a guest at this? Or did it just catch your eye? Either way, thanks for still asking questions during your free time.
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Erin Alberty Reply:
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Guest.
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By Ann, August 3, 2009 @ 5:31 pm
yes, but what did she pick?
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TheB0y Reply:
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:41 pm
The money. See the second picture.
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Erin Alberty Reply:
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:19 pm
I added captions. Hey, do you know why the third picture turned out all red? What makes pictures turn out red?
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Garrett Reply:
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Did you change the settings in between shots?
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Dave Reply:
August 4th, 2009 at 7:44 am
Digital cameras try to even things out automatically for consistency. They will try to guess what kind of light you are under to tweak the gamma of the shot. Having saturated reds in such a large part of the shot convinced the camera to tweak its settings. It is the kind of thing you can use Picasa (or other photo organizing software) to undo/minimize before export to blog.
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By Lydia, August 3, 2009 @ 5:44 pm
Wonderful story and gorgeous photos. It’s my imagination, I know, but I think I see greed in her face as she reaches for the money.
I do hope that you got Bo’s address so that you can send him the shot of him with Grace. It’s a great portrait.
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By secret agent woman, August 3, 2009 @ 6:16 pm
What an interesting person to meet. I’d go for the money, too.
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By Ginny, August 3, 2009 @ 11:29 pm
Kind of makes the cupcakes-in-the-living-room shindigs I threw for my kids’ first birthdays look a wee bit lame.
Why is it that some people will look for any excuse to lay out their litanies of woe and misfortune, and yet, people who you KNOW went through serious stuff are content with, “They survived”?
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By mongoliangirl, August 4, 2009 @ 7:27 am
A good perspective for me. Excellent actually.
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By soul-fusion, August 4, 2009 @ 12:40 pm
What a great opportunity to peak into another culture and catch a glimpse of a great life. I have two Korean friends who each (separately) have babies nearing the 1 year mark, I’m going to have to see if I can get an invite to the first birthday celebration.
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By rassles, August 5, 2009 @ 10:04 am
Was there a puppy? I would have picked the puppy, I’m sure.
Still. Love that.
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By Bellacantare, August 6, 2009 @ 2:16 pm
This was awesome. I totally teared up over Po’s story and then the picture of him with Grace.
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By SecondHand Karl, August 7, 2009 @ 1:53 pm
Definitely go for the money. Marvelous post, adorable little child…and man.
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