Why "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a slap in the face.

I’m sorry you feel that way

The next time somebody tells me that, I’m going to skip diplomacy and immediately start stomping on their feet.

As if there’s anything remotely conciliatory about a sentence that begins “I’m sorry you.” Yeah, that’ll put an end to our disagreement. Apologize to me on my behalf.

“I’m sorry you feel that way” is just a nice way to call me batshit insane for feeling wronged. It pretty much means “I do not accept responsibility for your feelings.” How did this phrase even get started? It must be in some kind of glossary for the passive aggressive.

Also, I can’t high-five.

I’ve been thinking about this yawning deficit ever since I read this. Every time I try to high-five, it all falls apart. I aim low, and my fingers get pushed back by the other person’s wrist. Or my lateral aim is off, and then it’s high-pinkies. Or I overestimate the enthusiasm due the fiving event and try to end the five with a hand clasp, which, unreciprocated, is like being the nerd who tries to hard. Or I fail to anticipate the other person’s hand-clasp, and my knuckles get squashed like an overripe banana. And then I’m afraid they’re all sad because I wasn’t excited enough to share the hand clasp.

I think I need lessons.

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Booo, Why I am a dinkus, language | Erin Alberty | July 8, 2009 10:49 am

13 Comments

By Garrett, July 8, 2009 @ 11:10 am

The biggest problem is that your high-fives are too prim.

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By mongoliangirl, July 8, 2009 @ 11:57 am

Damn the high five. Seriously, I’ve actually ended up slapping someone in the face and injuring one of my fingers.
Also, I’m sorry you feel that way about people who say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
bwaaaaHaHaHaHaaaaaaaaaaa…

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By Garrett, July 8, 2009 @ 12:27 pm

Oh, I just remembered: You’re also terrible at the Robot. Or were you saving that for another post?

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By Bob, July 8, 2009 @ 1:48 pm

Well, can you knuckle-bump? That’s far more current, and impressive . . .

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By Bellacantare, July 8, 2009 @ 1:50 pm

Next time a high-five is warrented, just offer your fist. Fist bumping is the new in thing. Even the Obama’s do it. Less worrying about the hand clasping and it’s always a slow, soft tap so you don’t have to worry about the speed or strength. Added plus – less hand germs because you’re not touching palms(at least I believe this in my mind; this is what I like to refer to as Stephanie logic). My bowling league only fist bumps now.

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By heidikins, July 8, 2009 @ 3:36 pm

I hate high-fives, they ran their course in elementary school, but have no place in the real world. Except perhaps in professional sports–but those guys get paid thousands of dollars a minute to be sporty and perfect the high-five.

xox

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By Gwen Jackson, July 8, 2009 @ 4:52 pm

That I’m sorry you are…phrase is bullshit. It is more offensive always even then the original thing the person did to piss me off. Even if they tried to kill me, I would still be more angry about, “I’m sorry you’re angry that I tried to kill you.”

Everyone is talking about High Fives these days. What’s going on? I suck at them, too. I always feel awkward and a total loser. Like I can’t even get a fucking high five right. Oh well.

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By Sra, July 8, 2009 @ 11:04 pm

Eye contact and follow through. These are the keys to success in any eye-hand coordination task.

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By rassles, July 9, 2009 @ 8:53 am

Whatever, you guys are lame, and high fives will never, ever, ever go out of style.

And even if they do, they’ll just come right back into style in like twenty years or something.

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Erin Alberty Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 9:38 am

I agree. It’s hopeless for me.

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By rassles, July 9, 2009 @ 8:54 am

Also: the fist bump is like the Ed Hardy of the handshake world.

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Garrett Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 9:06 am
This is perfect.

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rassles Reply:
July 10th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Why thank you, sir.

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